Walk On The Water

Deep sigh - mental reset

Yesterday's panic is over. It's amazing how God puts our lives in order and never makes one mistake. Today's message (at church) was about how everything good comes from God. Nothing but good can come from him because that's all he has for us. All he can give, is good. If it's not good, it's not from him.

People ask all the time why did God allow this? And that's just what I started to do yesterday. I saw all the problems and difficulties that were possibility headed my way and I had to fight to remember it's all for the best. It was all about me, me, me, the hard work involved and the disappointment in not getting things the way I wanted. So today I did as I was told a few weeks ago in a personal prophesy, "Relax and just breath." I let go and listened to what God was saying through my pastor. "The purpose of a trial is to know God is good. The trial is over the moment you know God is good." Do you understand that? Cause I just figured it out today. The trial or trouble comes to show you God is good. How else would we know God is good if everything was always good? Then the moment we understand and believe God is good the trial is over, the trouble doesn't necessarily end. But now we can walk on the water above the stormy seas, just like Jesus.

People picture Jesus walking on the water as if the wind and waves didn't affect him in anyway. But he was in a human body, he was flesh! I picture him with his eyes on his destination, the wind blowing his hair and robes and the waves pushing him around some. Maybe they are trying to knock him off coarse to keep him from the disciples. But he is God and nothing will keep him from them (or us). Now that's how I picture myself. I KNOW God is good. The trial is over, but that doesn't mean everything is going to go according to my plans. I take a step out of the boat and I'm not sinking! So, I take a few more steps...the troubles are still all around me but I'm not sinking!

My eyes are on God, the giver of only good things!

And immediately after getting home and new trial has arrived. My niece was admitted to the hospital after having a seizure this morning. My heart is gripped with alarm! But my eyes stay on God. Only good comes from him and this one and a half year old princess is 100% good. I know there will be good in this. I call my brother and he tells me what's happened. And I tell him I know exactly how he felt. I know the fear, the panic, the helplessness, complete realization that there is nothing you can do to make this better. I know because when my daughter, Katie, was two she had a seizure. At the time it seems like not one good thing came of her seizure but here we are 15 years later and I am the only one that knows how they feel right now. I tell him I'm on the way over, he asks could you wait till everyone else has left? I want to you to keep us company tonight. Of coarse I'll wait and I'll be praying, I answer. "Thanks, Luc," sob.

God is good and I'm gonna remind him tonight. I gonna pray with them too.

Achievements and Disappointments

Achievements and Disappointments that pretty much sums up everyones lives. Well, last year ended pretty well and this year has started pretty well.

For the first time in my adult life I finished off last year with everyone of my bills paid up to date and on time. It took me years to finally be able to do that. I hate paying bills late! I felt like such a loser when I wouldn't budget well enough and fall behind on a bill or two or all of them! I even fell so far behind once it took me over a year to catch up. Being a single parent is tough enough without having to feed your kids spaghetti four days in a row because that's all that's left and you don't have any money to get something else. There should be a mandatory class for single parents teaching them how to live on next to nothing.

Anyway, I finally figured out how to live within my means. Not only did all the bills get paid, but with my tax return I paid off my credit cards and students loans and have enough left over to put some in a savings account! Hallelujah! I am officially debt free! I have had two weeks of stress free living. I haven't been worried about paying my bills or meeting my responsibilities. I have a plan for the year and I planned to stick to it.

Then, my landlord calls...someone has approached her about buying our house. It hasn't been a secret she would like to sell it but she wasn't advertising either. She was content to let us live here until my youngest graduated next spring. Then we were planning to look for a house or condo of our own. If figured by then my credit score would be high enough to qualify for a better rate and I would have a significant amount saved for a down payment.

I am stressed! I can feel anxiety creeping into my chest and mind. I don't want to move now. We're not ready yet. I am trying so hard to trust God and believe whatever happens is for our best, but moving now was not in my plan. An old saying comes to mind "Man plans, God laughs." I have to work very hard to be a flexible person. I know that sounds strange, but I don't roll with the punches, I don't get over things, I don't enjoy doing anything without a plan, and I don't change easily. I am a first born, list making, follow the plan of attack, large and in charge person. AND I DID NOT PLAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN NOW!

Okay, I feel better having said that. (Deep sigh - sighing is my way of pushing the mental reset button) I looked at the classifieds to see what's out there and now all I can do is wait. And pray. And trust it will all be okay. And it will be.