Friends

I've been on my own for many, many years. I have family around and they love us but they aren't hands on. I rely more on friends.

One close friend was married but her husband commuted during the week. We spent many evenings at their house, having dinner together to save money, my children playing with her twin girls and the two of us keeping each other company and keeping each other sane! Eventually they moved closer to his work but too far for us to get together often.

A year later an older friend's son got married and when they moved back to the area the new wife picked me to be her new friend. She called me at least once a week and invited us to come over to watch movies and eat. After awhile I started calling them. My kids adored her husband and he loved them too. Eventually they became Aunt Allie and Uncle Justin.

After a few years it was clear they couldn't have children and they became foster parents to Micah, a boy with special needs who was a year younger than Katie. We all moved into a two family house and began life as a truly unique family. I watched Micah during the summer breaks and Allie watched John and Katie while I took night classes at the local community college. They helped me out when I didn't have enough and I helped them out when they didn't have enough. We ate together, went on vacations together, joined the YMCA together, we did a lot together. Then they moved away.

Sixteen hours away, to be near Allie's mother. Allie hated our area and they had been talking about leaving for many, many years. But the final decision was made when it was made clear to them that they would never be able to adopt Micah. We were all devastated. My kids and I could not bear the thought of Micah disappearing from our lives so we became a foster family and he moved in with us. He lived with us for almost two years. We even were able to take him to see Allie and Justin a few times.

Suddenly, one afternoon Micah was released for adoption. His mother told him she would sign over her rights and he could go to live with Allie and Justin. This was always our hope but we were told she would ever give him up without a court order. He had been in foster care for almost eight years by then. Three months later Allie and Justin packed all of Micah's things into their car and took him home. We were devastated, again.

Allie and I still talk several times a week and we see them a few times a year. Justin always asks when I'm going to move close to them. In truth I would have done just that if my family wasn't here. But I couldn't bear to be far from my nephews and nieces.

After they left I began attending a new church. They concentrate on being a multi-generational congregation and meeting the needs of everyone who comes in the door. They embraced us with open arms and our wounds began to heal. Everyone takes time each week to talk not just to me but to my kids. Right now they are the only teens between 14 and 19. The adults want them to know they are an important part of the church and are loved. I joined a book club within the church and found my newest friends. A core group of about five women and a larger group of over ten. Most of us are single, for one reason or another. And we all have something to offer and to gain by being part of the group. We are each other's support and family.

I look back and see I have been really blessed to have some wonderful people in my life. People who have contributed to my life and my children's lives. Making us better for knowing them. Thank you to all of them. I hope you have people like these in your lives as well. They are irreplaceable.